An open mind and an open heart go a long way in healing an open wound. Your inability to accept others opinions unless they match your own keeps you stuck in your own misery. But, I guess that sort of attitude is the best way to stay firmly seated on your high-horse.
It is a beautiful morning in my neck of the woods! Sun is shining, a comfortable 60 degrees. As I walk out to my front yard to retrieve my newspaper from the puddle that the “paperboy” insists on tossing my paper into, I see green!!! That’s right!! Green sprouts, poking through the dead, brown crap from last year! Yes, you read that correctly. I’m lazy! I don’t clean my flower beds at the end of summer!! My hope is the new growth will be sooooo healthy that it will hide the dead stuff! And it usually works!! So happy to see spring! Now, as for the paperboy. My plan is to wake up at the ass crack; catch him in mid-toss, grab him by the ear and show him exactly where I would like my paper to land each day!
Ok. I will say it. Out loud. To my viewing audience. I’m a cougar. And a creeper. I’m a creepy cougar! Haha!
So, I am at work today, and this beautiful man walks up to the register. My boss is standing next to me; talking important stuff, and I can’t focus! I am enthralled by this gorgeous man needing to be rung up. Shit!! I am not register girl! What to do?? I stare, cuz I can’t stop. Register girl rings him up. He smiles. It is dazzling. I must interject! “Oh!”, I say. “You have hair on your collar from that mask!”( **Sidebar** I am the manager at a halloween store, and it is awesome!!!) So, I politely reach out to pull the mess off his collar, as he sexily leans down to let me do so. Melt. He is so hot, I feel like a teenager on prom night. Register girl gives me the stink eye. Whatever, bitch! You blew your chance!! Haha!! He thanks me; with his dazzling smile, signs his credit slip, and leaves. Now comes the creep! I “spy” his credit slip; go home, and look him up on a “social network”!!! Ughhh!!! Torture! He is beautiful! And at least 8 years younger than me! Whatever! It was there. I felt it.
I am the boss of many “young adults”. We had a discussion last week about me. They say I am a cougar. Not to toot my own horn, I do get hit on alot at work. The girls say, when it is a man my own age, I’m like, whatev. But; if it is a younger guy, I’m a major flirt. Truth be told, guess they are right!
I love retail!!
Why, yes it is.
Husband: Hey, is that your towel laying in the middle of the bedroom floor?
Me: When have I ever left a towel or anything else just laying around??
Husband: Oh. It must be mine from this morning. I was running late for work. I can’t believe you stepped over it and just left it there all day.
Me: Really? I pick up after your children all day, cookie crumbs, spilled juice, blah blah blah. You are a grown adult and after 9 years of marriage I never have, nor ever will pick up your towel, peel your dirty socks off the floor, or pick up after you at all. What in the hell makes you think it is ok to be a disgusting slob, and that I will pick up after you??!!
Husband: Well, I just thought since you were home all day…..
After a lenghty and heated discussion; which of course never ends with a "sorry", I did allow him to live…..this time.
If there is a next time, I am not so sure he will be as lucky.
So, some asshole dumps a beautiful calico kitty in our neighborhood the other day. Of course, she wanders up on my porch. Of course, my kids fall madly in love with her and want to keep her. She is so clean and sweet and loving, I think she was probably an indoor cat. Of course, she is starving, and since she won’t leave our porch I break down and buy a dish and some food for her. And, of course, she is pregnant! Awesome! Thanks asshole! I love animals, but I choose to not have any as they are an expense I can’t afford right now. And thanks to some heartless moron, I not only have this sweet little kitty to take care of, I will soon have sweet little kittens to deal with. Great. People that dump animals are disgusting. My one wish for you, is that someone dumps you, leaving you wandering about in search of food and a home. It would serve you right you asshole!
Nope, I don’t have money to throw at all your problems. And even if I had one million dollars, I wouldn’t throw it your way. Not for that. Not to solve your problems for ya. I got something better. I have a shoulder. You can use it to lean on or cry on, whichever you need. I can teach you how to be an asshole, when you need to be. I can show you how to be frugal and how to balance your dollars. I can teach you how to stand up for yourself. I have years of wisdom I can impart upon you. I can show you how to persevere and make it through one day at a time. I can show you how to stand up, no matter who or what tries to knock you down. I can show you how to be strong. Why? Cuz I had to be, for you. And that is worth more than dollars.
I feel harsh; mean, destructive, hard, cold and round today. The roundness may be some bloating from to many beers last night, who knows.
Anyway, I am heading out the door. Don’t say you weren’t warned.
Will it ever end? All the bullshit I’ve been through; I always assumed at some point it would peter out, ya know? I mean drama was totally awesome in high school. Kicking the shit out of some tramp in the Home Ec alcove over some dumb ass boy who smoked weed in the school bathroom, that rocked! Then we’re bar legal and the fun begins. Dragging bitches outta the bar by their hair for looking at your dude. Good times! But we are 40 now. ( thats right; I said it out loud…40!!) And your still pulling the same shit. Yeah, your man cheated on ya, we get it! Yeah, she was 15 years younger than you. You forgave him. You took him back. Now you want us to pick sides? Really? You take him back, and she’s the dirty whore that needs to be harrassed on the daily? What does that make him? How about the fact that he sits on the computer everyday, IM’ing 18 year old girls that put up pics of themselves in their bras and panties on Myspace; all while your at work?
I’m not saying you should forgive her ( btw…she wasn’t the first, and she wasn’t the last..). But, if you can still bed down with him, you can at least drop the immature drama with her. Sheesh!! The only thing you are accomplishing here is making yourself look like a complete ass.
Interesting. Another place for me to rant, rave and fill your mind with my thoughts. Lets see how this works out. A person can only have so many blogs and what not. It is hard to be witty and entertaining at all times. But I’ll give it a good go!